MistyFly: Dealing with Disappointment (Part I)
By Misty Hyman

The following is the first of a two-part series that was published in the October issue of Swimming World. Part II ("Move On" and "Use It") appears in the November issue. Misty Hyman, the 2000 Olympic gold medalist and American record holder in the women's 200 meter butterfly, regularly contributes to Swimming World magazine with her column, "MistyFly." To subscribe to the magazine, simply click on this page where it says "Subscribe to Swimming World."

You may think that all gold medalists are perfect:

• That we always swim our best times and regularly reach our goals;
• That we always do our homework and get straight A's;
• That we always say the right thing at the right time;
• That we always have cool clothes and great hair;
• That we are always "perfect angels."

Well, I don't mean to burst your chlorine bubble, but all gold medalists are human, even Michael Phelps. OK, I will admit that my knees do bend abnormally backward, which helps my butterfly kick. And it's true that what all gold medalists have accomplished places them among a small percentage of people in the world. Nonetheless, we are as human as the next person.

What sets an Olympic champion apart from everyone else?

A champion isn't just someone who wins all the time, because as Michael Jordan says, "I have failed a lot more times than I have succeeded." A champion is someone who can deal with disappointment in a constructive way, who can handle the moment, learn from it, move on and use it to make himself or herself better.

Personally, I have a hard time remembering all the times I have been disappointed in swimming. Some of my biggies include Olympic Trials in 1996, the butterfly rule change in 1998 and shoulder surgery in 2001. Yet I can look back at those disappointments and honestly say that I am so thankful, yeah, you read that right! I am so thankful!

These disappointments in my life have been catalysts for change and growth. They have made me a better swimmer and, more importantly, a better person. But it's a lot easier to say that now! When I was going through these difficult times, it wasn't so simple.

Here are some things I have learned to help me through those not-so-fairytale-like experiences.

Handle the Moment
The first thing you need to do is to get through that initial moment when you first experience your disappointment. Maybe you were disqualified in your best event at your peak meet, or you missed your Trials cut in the 800 by 3-hundredths of a second. Hey, that's tough to accept.

Of course, part of sports is not just the thrill of victory, but also the agony of defeat. Both are equally wonderful parts of what we do. It's OK to show your emotions. You don't have to fake a smile when you are disappointed, and you don't have to hide your excitement when you have surpassed your own expectations.

When I watch the tape of my 200 fly victory at the Sydney Olympics and see my reaction, it's still hard for me to believe that I actually did "that." However, so many people have told me how much they appreciated the true human emotion of that moment. My reaction was real and heartfelt.

However, the opposite emotion happens to all of us. We can't believe how poorly we did, and there is an equal, if not greater, rush of negative emotions, such as anger, frustration, sadness or humiliation.

However, showing good sportsmanship is a big part of being a champion. Don't deny your emotions, but in the pool and on the deck, keep in control of yourself and act as dignified and respectful as you can. There is a time and a place to express all of your emotions.

Is it OK to cry? Yes. Sometimes, that is the best way to accept and deal with your disappointment. It's important to feel and acknowledge your emotions instead of suppressing them.

Is it better to wait until you get to the warm-down pool or somewhere private? Yes. You may be feeling bad, but you shouldn't draw unwanted attention to yourself or share your negativity with anyone else.

One of the most important aspects of handling the moment is never to bring down your teammates with your disappointment, especially if you are in a team competition. You don't have to pretend that you are not upset, but if you can get yourself excited for your teammates' upcoming swims, they will be inspired by your bravery and want to do well for the team and for you!

When you carry yourself like a champion, people notice. A champion doesn't have to win every time to be a champion. A champion shows it in the way he or she handles both victory and defeat.

Learn from It
After you have survived "the moment" and you come out looking like a superstar whether you won or not, you should evaluate what happened.

What did you do right? What could you have done better? Were there things you can do next time that you didn't do this time?

Sometimes, losing can be more valuable than winning because you are forced to look at your mistakes and weaknesses. If you had won or reached your goal, you may have been too busy patting yourself on the back to notice what you could have done better. Knowing your weaknesses is the first step to fixing them.

There are lots of things you can do to evaluate and learn from your race:

• Right after your race, look at your splits.
• Check out your race analysis, which should include stroke counts and tempo (rate).
• Have someone videotape your race, then watch it later to see exactly what you are doing right and wrong.
• Discuss everything with your coach.

Another way to evaluate your race is to review your mental preparation. Ask yourself questions such as:

• What was my state of mind behind the blocks and leading up to the race?
• How nervous was I?
• Was I mentally prepared?
• Did I visualize my race?
• Did I have a strategy or a race plan?
• Was I focused on what I was doing, or was I distracted?

All of these questions can give you an idea of how your state of mind affected your race. Remember: mental preparation is at least as important as, if not more important than, physical preparation!

Finally, of course, the foundation of your swimming is your training. You know whether or not you went to all the practices, and whether or not you gave it your all. Don't get mad at yourself if you didn't. Just realize that you have room to improve.

There are many different variables that you can evaluate in order to get feedback about your race. Having an open dialogue with your coaches, parents or friends can help you discover things you may not have noticed. Don't be afraid to talk about a disappointing race, learn from it!

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Misty provides youth swimming clinics, motivational talks and personal appearances through Premier Management Group (919-363-5105 or premier@usaswimmer.com).

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Got a question for Misty? You can ask Misty questions that might be answered in a future column of "MistyFly" that will appear in Swimming World magazine. Just send her an e-mail at misty@SwimInfo.com.